Should I choose Germany or my woman?

Greetings Toytown Germany Community:

As you have probably noticed, this is my first-ever post here. I have been a lurker here for a long time, but I just finally decided to register.

Perhaps I should give some background on myself:

-I am a 29-year-old American
-I am an Army-brat who lived in Berlin from 1989-1991
-I fell in love with the country during that time (ages 9-11)
-I started learning German in high school in 1994 (AP German, etc.)
-I took "Business German" as my minor at Georgia Tech, and this included taking a summer business German course at the Heinrich Heine Universität in 1999
-I have traveled to Germany either for vacation or business reasons on at least a yearly basis from 1995-present (sometimes 2 or 3 times per year)
-Since 2003, I have been employed by a German institution in the USA (currently Washington, DC)
-In summation, I have more or less been involved with Germany/German people/German culture for 20 years

What does all this mean?

-I love the country
-I love the German people
-I love the culture
-I have made many friends there and continue to make German friends through local meet-up groups and/or through interns who work where I work
-It is not just the big things I love. It is the little things/the details as well. (I could make a long list here.)
-I frankly feel more at home in Germany than I do in the USA.

Where is the woman in all of this?

-I have been dating / in love with a woman for over four years
-We are best friends as well
-She loves me for all that I am, faults and all
-We have great, open, and honest communication
-She is half-German, her father being born in Mainz, Germany
-She is ten years my senior / is even better educated / is also gainfully employed / also financially stable and independent
-She is fun...among other things knows how to play the guitar, bass guitar, drums...exposes me to all sorts of things that I would otherwise not do
-We like each other's friends and have mutual friends
-She has even taken three semesters of German at the local Goethe-Institut to begin learning the language
-While she loves to travel, she has spent only two days in Germany (Berlin). We hope to have a longer vacation there later this summer

What is the problem?

-I need to make a decision soon, for both of our sakes, to take our relationship to marriage or not
-While she is open to living abroad someday, it is not as pressing for her as it for me
-In the near term, she would prefer to move back to California where she was born to be closer to her mother and brothers
-I am quite simply torn between my love for her and my love for a country
-While I haven't tried hard enough, I have always looked for a "way in" to live and work in Germany (not easy given the present financial crisis)
-Because of the crisis, I have thought about getting my Masters at a German Universität as a "way in" (could probably cheaper than getting one in the USA)
-But of course the "Universität" option is pretty much a polar opposite concept to getting married

So this is my difficult situation...my difficult question...my life at a crossroads.

I am just laying all of this out here in hopes that maybe someone on this forum has been in a similar situation before and share his or her wisdom with me.

I would be very appreciative.

Thank you.

-Holzmann

When it comes to hard decisions like that, I alway try to figure out which way my heart leans, and which my head.

The heart is always right.. Or Bauchgefühl or whatever..

It's sounds to me like your heart wants to go to Germany, and your head says "what about my girlfriend?".. If that's really the case, she's already lost, so just accept it and plan the move.

Don't teach TEFL though. Pay sucks and there are already too many of us...

Why is studying and marriage mutually exclusive?

I suppose she may have problems getting a job here (I assume she hasn't had as much exposure to the country, language as you?) but if she's so much better qualified than you maybe she can also be 'financially stable' while you study?

Or perhaps you could just wait it out for a few years while she gets her spirit back in California, since you say that moving over isn't that pressing yet and since that's more practical for you at the moment anyway?

What I am hearing is that, after 4 years, you are not ready to commit to either scenario - marriage or Germany.

How does she feel?

So was she 14 or 15 when you first met her, at the age of, erm... 25?

Go with your gut feeling. Looking back to the various decisions I made by head instead of instinct they were invariably wrong. You'll always vaguely regret not following the other option but in all probability you'll be better off with the decision you made.

EDIT: KW, she's his senior, i.e. older.

FAIL

oops

Come on over, there are plenty of new Women waiting for you in Germany...

She's not up for it is she? She's nearly 40. She has a stable life in one of the world's great cities. Her Plan B is going to another one of the world's most affluent and attractive places (California). Strangely she is not attracted by the idea of following a much younger student male so he can indulge his dreams whilst also being a student (aged nearly 30), scrimping away in a country he (I assume) has no legal right to work in, and may well find it hard to set up a rock solid life. Can't think why!

Sounds like she at least is being clear and decisive. Now it's your turn to do the same. Time to be a man - not relying on a bunch of random strangers!

To reassure you, whatever happens life goes on. Even if she followed you, or you stayed, no guarantee it'd last forever (and the pressures of immigration on couples can often be vast). I came here for a German man. It didn't work. But I'm still here, alive, well, happy.

Wow! What a decision.

In my position and in my age, I'd pick the woman. But of course that's easier said than done. It requires that you move beyond a certain age/stage where ego obsessions such as passion for a country (or company or a job or a hobby) are fading and becoming second or third priority.

Maybe ask yourself if you already reached that stage. If that's not the case, pick the country. I think you cannot really skip the ego/exploration phase, you'll be longing for something forever. Or worse, even blame your partner for getting into the way of realizing your dreams. No one wins here.

Hope that helps.

I came here for a German woman, we split up, now I don't know what the fuck i'm doing here.

Ok ok, my mistake.

If you really love her dude being with her is the most important thing isn't it? I know a lot of people that have ended up here because of that reason...

Couldn't you both come here for a long holiday (like 3 - 6 months, with jobs, apartment etc) and then she can she if she likes it... And she'll further her german skills at the same time.

But saying that, if she wants to live nearer her mother and brothers I don't think she'll want to emigrate to Germany anyway will she...

Jesus dude its California not like its Weiden. Enjoy the perks besides California is full of Germans Klinsmann lives there, it has an Austrian govenor. You have the best of both worlds.

Damn, that's harsh.

Actually swimmer makes a good point. Perhaps she is not as flexible as you. Also depends on how broken up you'd be about
breaking up with her, and how you fancy finding a German woman